Why I'm Not Going Back to School...and Why I'm Not Ashamed of That

When you're in college and you're pregnant, lots of people ask you what your plans are. Or at least, lots of people have asked me what my plans are. Though the general expectation for women in the LDS church is that they will be a "stay-at-home" mom, I've noticed that this expectation (at least here in Rexburg) comes in second to the expectation that you will be finishing school by any means necessary and getting your degree--if in fact, you were foolish enough to have a child before you got a degree.

People who ask me what I plan to do after I have the baby rarely get (or want) the full answer, partly because I wouldn't have time to give it, and partly because it's something that would require a quiet environment, where I could really share the feelings in my heart. What they usually get is, "Well, I'll actually be done with school for a while, because I want to stay at home with my baby." What I wish I could tell them is what follows:

I'm not coming back to school. Not as an on-campus student, or even as a part-time online student. Not for a long time at least. Because I don't want to, and I don't think I need to.

You might be surprised at how ill-received this news is to most people, even at a church school. Here's what I anticipate the internal responses to be (although so far, no one has actually said any of this to me. It's just the attitude I pick up on).

1.) "Why isn't having at least a bit of a career important to you? Don't you want to be able to do something other than be a mom your whole life?"

This one is a less common attitude here, though a more common attitude in the world "outside". So my answer is fairly simple: Um, no. I really don't want to spend hours away from home, working. I really don't think anything could be as interesting or as fulfilling as raising a human being, and I don't think I'll ever have enough time on my hands that I'd want to fill it with a "career". But I digress--there are a lot of people in the world who agree with me--Mormons, non-Mormons, Christians, and non-Christians alike. Many men and women in this world do value and understand a woman's choice to stay at home and raise her children. So I'll move on to what I think is the hiccup for most people I run into.

2.) "The prophet (Gordon B. Hinckley) said that we should get as much education as possible. Are you just going to ignore that counsel in favor of the counsel to stay at home with your children?"

And, this:

3.) "What about in the case of death or illness? What if your husband can't work to support your family? What about being prepared?"

I looped these questions together because I want to answer them together. These were questions that weighed deeply on me last fall. Every month when we discovered that we were not pregnant, I was terribly disappointed, even though we'd only been married 6 months, and weren't technically trying. But I was also relieved. Not because I didn't want a baby, or because I didn't feel ready for motherhood. (I think in most senses, you're never really ready, but in others, I have always felt ready. I have always looked forward to being a mother). I was relieved because I feared what people would think of me. Derek and I have always known that once we had children, I would not go to school or work anymore. And I have always been happy with that decision, but I was still scared that the people I associated with here--students and graduates and mothers alike--would think it was wrong. I was worried that maybe I was wrong for not wanting to continue working on my degree after I had my first baby. After all, I've heard all the counsel about getting as much of an education as possible, and about how sometimes emergencies happen, and we never know what we'll be called upon to do. But I also knew, in my heart of hearts, that staying at home with my baby was right, and that putting off having children so that I could earn a degree was wrong. So I struggled for a while.

After some time of thinking about this, and talking with my family and friends, I had a few realizations. The first was this: the prophet did not say to get as many degrees, or as high a degree, as you can. He said to get as much education as you can. And education is what I care about. I have never cared about a degree--in fact, I've never even really been able to settle on a major. I've always wanted to learn EVERYTHING. One of the reasons I treasure being at BYU-Idaho is that there are so many opportunities for a truly unique education here. I have absolutely loved my time in school, and not because I was working for a degree. To tell you the truth--and I say this in my head in a slight whisper--I'm probably no closer to obtaining a Bachelors now, in my fourth semester, than I was in my first. Because I sort of always knew that I probably wouldn't finish. So every semester when it came time to register, I chose the classes that I was desperate to take--that I felt would be completely different here at BYU-Idaho than anywhere else, and that I felt would be invaluable in my life as a mother and wife and disciple of Christ. And let me tell you--I have taken some amazing classes, from some absolutely incredible teachers. I have truly gained an education. But it's not over. I'm going to keep getting as educated as I can, all my life. I'm going to seek learning and growth, from every source that I can. I think that that is at the heart of President Hinckley's advice.

You may argue--he also said, "(The) world will in large measure pay you what it thinks you are worth, and your worth will increase as you gain education and proficiency in your chosen field." (Gordon B. Hinckley, A Prophet's Counsel and Prayer for Youth. Jan. 2001. Click here to read the full talk.) And I agree with that. Which is why my husband is in school. As he is going to be the provider for our family, it makes sense that he gains the education necessary to obtain gainful employment, so that he can be our caretaker. So, I'm not saying that degrees are obsolete. They certainly are not. But I am saying this: degrees are only necessary if you are going to work in the world. In fact, if they are not used, they are literally useless. I don't plan on working outside of the home. So at this time in my life...a degree is useless.

But what about #3? What about "in case of emergency?" I agree that having a degree can be somewhat helpful in case of an emergency. If it ever turns out that something makes it impossible for Derek to work and provide for our family, I do want to be prepared to work for my family. But here's some logic for you: how marketable will my degree be in ten years, with no work experience added to it? In fifteen, or twenty years? I can almost guarantee that any degree or certificate that is earned but goes unused for more than ten years is not going to give you very much help when it comes to finding a good job. In my opinion, it would be better for me at that point to enroll in some kind of program (like CNA, or pharmacy, or some kind of trade school) that would award me a certificate when I need it, and then immediately put it to use. You're always going to have to start somewhere, and starting with a ten-year-old unused degree won't be much of an advantage.

I'd also like to include a quote here from President Henry B. Eyring. He says this:

"(There) are important ways in which planning for failure can make failure more likely and the ideal less so. Consider these twin commandments as an example: "Fathers are to...provide the necessities of life...for their families" and "mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children." Knowing how hard that might be, a young man might choose a career on the basis of how much money he could make, even if it meant he couldn't be home enough to be an equal partner. By doing that, he has already decided he cannot hope to do what would be best. A young woman might prepare of a career incompatible with being primarily responsible for the nurture of her children because of the possibilities of not marrying, of not having children, or of being left alone to provide for them herself. Or she might fail to focus her education on the gospel and the useful knowledge of the world that nurturing a family would require, not realizing that the highest and best use she could make of her talents and her education would be in her home. Consequently, because a young man and woman had planned thus, they might make what is best for a family less likely to be obtained."
(Henry B. Eyring, The Family. Feb. 1998 Ensign. Italics added. Click here to read the full talk.)

Please understand. I'm not saying--nor is President Eyring saying--that any woman who ends up having to work outside the home to provide for her family is at fault for her circumstances. I'm also not saying that the women I know who are choosing to continue on in their education and obtain a degree are doing the wrong thing. I think they're incredible! I truly admire women who have worked and have degrees, because I know that they are trying to do what is best for their family.

But I am also trying to do what is best for my family. And...this is it. The things that I have come across since making this decision (like President Eyring's talk on the family--which is absolutely wonderful, by the way) have only affirmed that in my mind. One day, I may decide to go back to school and get a degree, even if there is no emergency! But if that day does come, I can guarantee that it is a long ways off. I plan to be at home with my kids as long as they are at home. It is the example and the legacy that my mother has given me, and I see it carried on in my sisters' homes. When you make the decision to follow the Lord's counsel, he will enable you to do it. I truly believe that.

I would also beg all of the women and young women I know to seriously consider this decision in their lives. Deciding not to get a degree may not be the best choice for everyone. Derek and I felt that it was the best choice for us, because we knew that when we were blessed with a child, it would be in the Lord's timing, and we take this pregnancy as a sign that the Lord will provide for us. Some women may not marry until after they already have a degree. Some women may not be blessed with children until after they're done with school. Continue to pursue lifelong education! But when it comes to having a family, don't delay it for something like a degree. Because motherhood is the highest calling you could ever have. And it is worth so much more than a diploma.

(If you have time, you might also read this talk by Elder Andersen called "Children.")

I Am Like a Green Fir Tree...

So...I've been kind of unhappy lately. And I've known why. And I've been too proud and too stubborn and too lazy to fix it. Do any of you guys do that? I feel so silly when I get into these slumps and instead of doing what I know will get me out of it, I first try everything else. Finally I got tired of being sad. And do you know what I did?
I prayed. And I read my scriptures.
Oh, I've been praying. I've said a prayer every night, every morning, and before each meal. I say prayers with Derek. But I have been living in that icky place where I say the words I'm used to saying. I try to be sincere, but I don't get much out before my mind wanders or I decide I'd really better get some rest. There's a quote from F. Enzio Busche that I love. It came to my mind today. He says,

"Before we can do this (pray) with focus, we have to become aware of a multitude of defined or undefined, conscious or subconscious desires. We have to learn to bring them to our awareness, to analyze them, to categorize them, and to bring them in to order according to priorities. When we do not do this, we will be condemned to remain, in our prayers, on a superficial level, or even on the level of formality, where there are no answers or there are only imagined answers. But there are always hundreds of different desires fighting for supremacy within us. The act of categorizing them is a very painful, but needful act to become, in the eyes of God, a mature person and to be taken seriously."

Does this describe pretty much every problem you've ever faced with prayer? I know it does for me.
So today I realized I was on a level of formality in my prayers, and I let the fact that I haven't been reading my scriptures much lately truly penetrate my soul. In The Screwtape Letters, Screwtape explains to Wormwood that as long as they (that is, the devils) can keep our sins on the outermost level of our consciousness, we are captured. Sure, we may have that nagging feeling that it's been a while since we truly communicated with the Lord, or let Him truly communicate with us, but just keep that in the back of your mind. There are lots of other things that you want and need to do, right? Shouldn't I be spending every spare minute with my husband? But what about when I'm home from work, and he's still gone? What about when I am so lonely, and I have no distractions, and I realize my soul is kind of achey? And I realize I haven't been that kind to Derek in our limited time together, no matter how much I miss him all day long. I realize I haven't been myself at all lately. And I want to be happy now.
Finally, painfully, I turned to the Lord today. I began to express my feelings to Him. I told Him my desires to love the scriptures, and to feel close to the Spirit, and to be better to my wonderful husband. I told Him I was so so weak, and I was so so sorry. And I told Him I would read my scriptures. So I flipped them open.
Here, a side note: You know that old trick where you really need something special from the Lord--an answer to prayer, a bit of inspiration--and you just open your scriptures to a random page and all of a sudden there's what you were looking for? I don't. I mean, I know of the trick, but never before in my life has it worked for me. I always figured the Lord just expected me to work for my answers, and I think it's a good thing, because I'm the kind of person who just loves the easy way out. Maybe if I had a lot of experiences like that, I would expect that from my scripture study, and I wouldn't grow too much. I don't know. All I know is, today was a little different.
I tried that trick. I opened my scriptures to a random page. Aaaaaand (drumroll)...it was Hosea. That's right, I landed on the first page of the book of Hosea. My first thought was, "Isn't this that really random story that never made sense? This can't be helpful." My second thought was, "Wait, that story was an allegory about Christ and the world...yeah, that's still probably not what I'm looking for." And then my third thought was probably not entirely my own--I think the Spirit gave me a little elbow nudge. "Wait a minute, aren't these the scriptures? Aren't they all in here for a reason? Do I really think there couldn't be anything in here for me to learn from?" And then my fourth thought (yeah, all my thoughts come numbered throughout the day. Kinda strange.) was, "What could be more appropriate than a story about Christ accepting someone who was completely unworthy?"
I started skimming through the pages, reading the chapter headings--you know, looking for something "good". And then I was at the end of the book, and so I read the short, final chapter of Hosea. And it is one of the most beautiful things I have ever read. Here's a few bits I needed most:

"I will heal their backsliding, I will love them freely: for mine anger is turned away from him. I will be as the dew unto Israel: he shall grow as the lily, and cast forth his roots as Lebanon. His branches shall spread, and his beauty shall be as the olive tree, and his smell as Lebanon. They that dwell under his shadow shall return; they shall revive as the corn, and grow as the vine: the scent thereof shall be as the wine of Lebanon. Ephraim shall say, What have I to do any more with idols? I have heard him, and observed him: I am like a green fir tree. From me is thy fruit found." (Hosea 14:4-8)

I hardly know what else to say. I feel like these verses say all that I needed and I know that they speak for themselves, so if any of you need them, I won't diminish from it by continuing on and on. I will say that I researched the Lebanon "green fir trees" a bit, and I found some amazing things. The fir tree is a symbol of joy and growth. It is beautiful and grows tall in the forests of Lebanon. When we know Christ--when we have heard Him and observed Him in our personal lives, we are filled with joy. Remembering Christ today has made my heart swell, and I feel whole again. I'm so grateful that the Lord takes me back time after time after time. I know that He is the most loving being that has ever walked the face of this earth, and I'm so grateful that He did, so that I have the chance to know Him personally, and to let Him lead me back to Him. I know that He is waiting with arms outstretched and will snatch you up the moment you turn to see Him. He loves us all so much. I testify of that in the name of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

The Windows Of Heaven

This will be a short post. I just felt like it would be completely ungrateful for me not to say anything about what's been going on the past few weeks.
Derek and I have been immensely blessed in the months preceding and following our wedding. We are so infinitely grateful for everyone who has given us the gifts that have made our beginning so much easier. We couldn't have done it without you guys.
I'll spare details, but Derek and I have been hit with some unexpected expenses lately, and we haven't been as prepared for them as we'd like. I'm blessed to have a husband who has agreed to not let financial difficulties depress us or come between us (and yes, I know it's only been three months, but we've been doing pretty well so far :)). We haven't been too discouraged or afraid, but we have been prayerful that we'll be able to work these problems out with the help of the Lord. We've continued to pay our tithing and a generous fast offering. And we've tried hard to eliminate unnecessary things and "do without". Mostly, we've prayed that we would know how to take care of all this.
The Lord always rewards us for obeying His commandments. We haven't done big things for Him, but He's done big things for us. We were able to make it two weeks without needing to make a shopping trip. And then a friend offered us the remainder of her groceries, since she'd be moving out of town. She brought over a few of the things that we had just run out of only days before. One day later, another friend texted and ask if we could use the groceries that all of her roommates had left behind.
Our fridge is full. Too full. We literally don't have room enough to receive the blessings that the Lord has poured on us.
I know that there are lots of tithing stories out there that are more spectacular than this, but this is ours. The Lord has let us know that He is aware of our situation, and He's taking care of us. He loves us, and He never lets any good deed go un-rewarded.

Welcome to the apartment!

Ok. Be warned. There are going to be a lot of pictures in this post. Pictures that you probably won't care about, but, hey...I do. In fact...Derek and I are a little obsessive about everything in this apartment. And not because we're so material and just love our things (although, seriously, we love our things.) It's just that, this being our first apartment, everything is new. The stuff is new, whether it was a gift or something we bought. It all has a story behind it. Organizing our house is new. Finally finding the perfect place for something gives me a thrill I would've laughed at a year ago, but honestly, this calling--to be a homemaker--is such a beautiful and fulfilling thing. Even if it's a little silly for me to get excited EVERY time I clean the bathroom, the stove, etcetera...I just love this. I love keeping our house orderly, and peaceful. I love seeing how satisfying it is for Derek too. Having lived solely with guys for about the last seven or eight years, he really appreciates having our house clean--and, as I've already mentioned, he does so much to help. 

Anyways. Now you get the picture tour and a little bit too much narration--enjoy!

Starting with the living room! In the very right of the picture, next to the dresser/entertainment center, is our front door (it's not really that exciting, so I'll spare the details on this one). We're sub-leasing this apartment, so most of the furniture in the living room actually belongs to our friends, the Rebers. The dresser that we use as a tv stand, the couch, coffee table and decor, the rug--that's all theirs. Some things we're not too fond of (anyone who's ever been to our house knows that we can't stand our couch), but honestly it has been such a blessing to sub-lease right at first so that we didn't have to go furniture shopping right after the honeymoon while we were in school. When we move at the end of next month,we'll be getting our own couch, tables, chairs, etcetera :) But for now, this really is our home, and I love the way this room looks. Also, in that left corner by the couch is our super cool weight set (I have weights!) and Derek's guitar. 

P.S. couch pillows--ours :) 

Alright, the kitchen. So, if, from where you were standing, you angled left, this is what you would see--Derek doing the dishes! Haha, I promise he doesn't do all the chores around here--but again, he is so helpful and sweet. 

We have some of the coolest kitchen appliances either--our waffle iron, which flips over and can make two waffles at once (booyah), our ninja (probably my very favorite kitchen thing), our kitchen shears--you get the idea. I took a couple close-ups of some of my favorite things in the kitchen:

The silverware--why is this special? Well, the silverware set itself was a wedding gift from Derek's Aunt Sylvia, who promised we would never forget what she got us. Ha ha ha. The KNIVES though...those are Derek's prize possession. They are Hinkle knives, which we bought from Kitchen Collection right after our honeymoon--and they are seriously awesome. Super duper sharp, and they slice so perfectly without tearing anything, because of the little divets on the blade. I told you, we're obsessive. Also, we love that tray, because we didn't have one for a little while, and it's really cute, and just a fun memory. 

My favorite cabinet. The dish set was a present from Derek's Aunt Darla, who couldn't have chosen better. I love our colorful dishes! The glasses on the left on the middle shelf are from Aunt Kathy (I looooooove these). On the top shelf are goblets and a few other nice dishes that were presents, most excitingly the two front goblets that we used on our wedding night :) And on the top right is our mug collection. We only have really special mugs. Two I brought with me--a giraffe mug that actually had a little giraffe inside, and a picture mug with mine and Whitney's faces all over it. The others are souvenirs. On our honeymoon, Derek and I decided that everywhere we went we would get either a mug or a refrigerator magnet to take home. So far we have mugs from Coos Bay and the redwoods (from the honeymoon), and from Disneyland (the family reunion we went to a few weeks after our honeymoon). 

  

 Here we have a really cute empty pot on the window sill, which held a plant until a few days ago when we decided it was beyond saving. Also, the dish drainer and the mat that we bought. The mat is super cool, it's made out of a special material that's really soft but acts like a sponge. Also, we bought that soap dispenser and I think it's cute. 

When we got here, the stove was a disaster--the plates were the silver kind, and all crusted over with burned food, etcetera. It was all really disgusting. So I'm very proud of the way it looks now. We bought the black plates, and I clean those suckers ALL the time. Plus, those towels we bought are really cute. Also, mom,we're using our bread maker! Like, all the time. It has been such a blessing to be able to make homemade bread for all our meals, and Derek loves it :)

The souvenir magnets :) From left to right: Crescent City Battery Point lighthouse (and a postcard of the Cape Arago lighthouse, which is the one we could see from our suite), Crescent City, CA shell turtle, from Fisherman's restaurant (best clam chowder ever), Coos Bay, OR, Trees of Mystery, SeaWorld, Disneyland, West Yellowstone, and below is a magnet Derek's mom brought us from Mount Vernon :)

This isn't that exciting--this is the dining room, where I think we have eaten...twice, perhaps? We don't like the chairs, so we usually just eat in the living room. But look, there's Tiger, our flying fish! Slash invincible fish. 

Ok, here is the panorama from the front door. I just thought that might be helpful. Next,we'll turn left--up by the table. 

This is our bookshelf! Well, it's technically their shelf, but our stuff. I love, love, love our books, and I can't wait for our collection to grow! The top shelf is our game shelf, and on top of the book case are the remaining champagne glass and the Martinelli's bottle from when Derek proposed :) Also, the fish tail from a huge halibut that Derek caught in Alaska :)

And, probably my favorite shelf, holding all the shells from my childhood trips to Oregon as well as mine and Derek's shells from Oregon and California, and the scrapbook I made him as a wedding present :)

The bathroom. Not much to say, except that the bath mat was a wedding gift from my cute nieces :) And that I clean this place allll the tiiiiime. And I love it. You should see under the sink sometime. It's super organized. 

Hang in there--we're almost done! This is the bedroom. We picked out this bedspread and we love it. A lot. And the sheets are amazing, but they're in the laundry right now, so you don't get a picture. I know, I'm breaking your heart. 

The bed and dresser were given to us by Derek's parents--and they are wonderful! (Derek's parents and the bed and dresser.)

Aaand, the other side of the room! Congratulations! We're done!

Ok, so seriously? I know that was way too long. But, it's out first apartment. Like I said, for us, it's all a story. Everything means something. But we know that really, these things don't matter. It's the memories we made with them that makes them special to us. You're lucky I didn't take a picture of every single cupboard, cabinet, drawer, and closet in the house :) We are so grateful for all that we have been given by the Lord. And that's why I wanted to show you guys--because you love us, and you care that we're happy, and I want you to know: we are so happy. We are so blessed. And we are so so grateful. 

Tiger, Flying Fish 🐠

So, I promise I've been working on posting honeymoon stuff, apartment pictures, daily life stuff, etcetera...but nothing thus far has been compelling enough for me to put off schoolwork long enough to finish a post.

Until now. 

We were out of town last week from Tuesday to Sunday, so some good friends of ours babysat our fish for us. We picked him up last night and when we got home, Derek cleaned his bowl. Then we proceeded to enjoy a fun Family Night together, with a lesson, a dessert found on Pinterest, and Secondhand Lions. As we were getting ready for the movie, I noticed something dark on the table by the fish bowl. It was...our fish! Poor little Tiger lay there not moving, not breathing. I freaked out. Derek tried to pick him up, and he flopped all over (Tiger, not Derek), which was a good sign. He finally managed to get him back in the bowl, and after a moment our little fishy was swimming around, normal as can be. 

I'm glad he was fine, because I'm freaking traumatized. I seriously couldn't get over it. We figured that he had just flopped out or jumped out or something, because his water was a little higher than usual. We took a cup or two of water out of his bowl and watched our movie, got ready for bed etcetera. But I was still anxious. I kept checking on him all evening long. I mean, let's face it. My fish JUMPED OUT OF HIS BOWL. I don't even know how long he was on the table!! I was worried about our little guy--he's on suicide watch for now--and wondered if there would be any repercussions from this little incident, so I did what any intelligent, curious, eager-for-enlightenment person would do--I googled it. 

Apparently, I am not the only one this has happened to. Here's one account I read:

How long can Betta fish live out of water?

The reason I ask is because tonight, I was sitting at the computer minding my own business when I see this black thing fly out of the air onto the floor. I immediately freaked out thinking it was a freakishly huge cockroach; after it did not move for a moment I decided to lean closer to it to see if I needed to throw my shoe and scream bloody murder or not. As I leaned in I noticed that it was my adorable lovable little Vinny, my Betta fish. Now, I just cleaned the bowl today, and fed the little stinker, so I was upset, not to mention I was excited that my cool fish had even lived as long as it did. I really love this fish. I know its stupid. Whatever.

Anyways, as much as I love my fishy, I was not about to pick it up and try to attempt to get it in its tank, because...well...I am a chicken. (She later added that she was 9 months pregnant at the time and couldn't even have bent over if she wanted to. Plus she figured her fish was a goner.)

So there it laid on my bedroom floor for over 4 hours....stiff as a board...no life left in him at all...

My husband walks in from fishing (ironic isn't it) and I showed him the fish lying on the floor, dead as all get out...He was nonchalant and throws him back in the tank so we could bury him tomorrow.

5 minutes later we look over and this fish is swimming around ...I kid you not....swimming...and a little more actively than regularly.

How in the world did a FISH survive without water for that long?

I immediately got on the search engine and was trying to find an answer....only thing I could find is that they have the ability to breathe atmospheric air, but not for a long period of time, after they are dry, they are dead. This fish was dry, stiff, dead, gone, and BOOM..he's alive. How did he live that long out of water??

And then a few of the respondents:

The same thing happen to my betta. I remember I cleaned out all of my bettas' bowls. This one betta I had filled his bowl all the way up to the top thinking he will have more space to swim. I left to my grandma's house and came back like 6 hrs+ later to find him on the floor. Now bettas are very good jumpers and this is how they sometimes get their food. So I put him back in the bowl to see if he will swim around. I guess he was in a dormant state where they lay dead or something and he snapped right back to life. Ever since then I always fill their bowl 3/4 now.

ABOUT YOUR ANSWER
I think they can survive for hours out of water. In the wild they can survive in small puddles of water and they are also able to breathe air through their mouth so this combined with its adaptability allows them to wait for limited periods of time until it finally rains. Your fish was probably was going through the same phase and since betta don't need to breathe through their gills like other fish it was able to wait until it was put back in to the bowl. 

There are more, but I'll leave you with these. It was comforting to know that it wasn't just out little fish who had a death wish--and it made Derek like him even more, since he's such a survivor. It is pretty cool I guess, our resilient little fishy being able to breathe normal air, and live outside of water.

I'm still a little on edge from the whole thing, but at least it had a happy ending. And at least it got me blogging again, right? 😉

   (Tiger in his bowl...where he belongs...)

Beginner

I'm a beginner. I'm a beginner at blogging. At being a wife. At another semester at school. At having a life where my "home" is no longer where my parents live. And really, I'm still a beginner at gospel living, even though I've done it my whole life.  I'm learning that I'm really a beginner at pretty much everything. 

And you know what? I love it.

Beginning is fun. Especially when it comes to marriage. I'm sure everyone knows, the beginning of married life is just absolutely wonderful. I hear it's a challenging adjustment a lot of times, and I believe it, but honestly...it hasn't been for us. I guess when you marry your best friend that you've been missing for the past four months, you're just...overjoyed to be together constantly! I know we are. And really, a very very large part of that is just the fact that Derek is about the most lovable man on the planet. I swear, the man can do no wrong. He is endlessly patient, loving, fun, funny, relaxed, happy. He really is just happy to make me happy. That's all he wants to do. And he is oh so good at it.  Not only that, but he understands women. At least, to the extent that anyone can understand women... ;) He's really good at listening, giving feedback, telling me I'm pretty, or just letting me cry over nothing (which, as anyone who knows me can attest, happens frequently), and understanding that it really is over nothing. He's wonderfully sensitive and sweet. He helps with the dishes when he knows it's been a long day. He offers to make dinner, and he sincerely wants to. He makes the bed. He carries my books. He comes into the kitchen while I'm listening to music and dances with me. He brings home flowers and chocolate just because.  He wipes off the toilet seat every single time he uses the bathroom. The man is a saint and a romantic. And I'm convinced that there is no one in the world as incredible as him. 

The beginning of our marriage has been like a dream come true, but even better. I'm in love. I'm in love with my husband. I'm in love with the unity and joy of marriage. I'm in love with the beauty and meaning that the gospel gives my marriage, and the beauty and meaning that my marriage gives to the gospel. I'm in love with the life the Lord has given me. It's all so perfect, and it's all so real.

That's what has inspired me to blog. I want to tell the world how thrilled I am with my day-to-day life. I want people to know what to look for in life, and know that they can have it. Because if I can have it, you can have it. I hope I can offer a perspective to those who are looking forward to marriage, whether in a matter of months or a matter of years, those who are newly married, and those who have been married for a while. I don't pretend to know any more than everybody else--in fact, I confess to knowing significantly less. I just want to put my happiness out there for you to see. Maybe for my married friends and family, this will just serve as a happy reminder of the blissful honeymoon phase you were once in. Maybe it'll make you hold and kiss your husband a little more fervently :) Heaven knows that the newlywed stage isn't the ultimate goal--if it were, it wouldn't come so easily at the beginning of marriage--it would take work and be the end result. So I know that those of you who are married are in an amazing place, and I can't wait to be there with Derek. I just think that when I am there, I probably won't mind a little reminder of what this feels like ;) 

I hope you enjoy your glimpses into my happy reality :)